NogginLabs recently acquired an espresso machine, much like the variety of coffee machines-not-to-be-named that include a small cup of beans that are processed into a larger cup of hot bean water. Except our machine does not make your standard cup of bean water, but instead, it produces thicker bean water, i.e. espresso. A personal, automated espresso machine.
This espresso machine has been a big hit around the office. Despite some early traffic pattern and technical difficulties, we used our creative teamwork and QA prowess to innovate the optimal personal espresso workflow in our kitchen. The machine is now in good working order and is nestled between our second fridge and our recycling towers. It's perched on a table of its own, with a bag hung above to deposit the recyclable pods, and a helpful diagram that outlines which espresso pod is best for your current mood, temperament, and caffeine needs. It uses words such as “bold”, “refreshing”, “powerful”, and “intense” to describe the varying espresso personalities.
Although this diagram is immensely helpful, it does not identify which espresso pod truly serves the bean water drinker’s creative personality and professional role. Never fear, my friends. As a Content Producer, I have taken the necessary steps to become a Subject Matter Expert on all things thick-bean-water and NogginLabs team. I am here to deliver you from your confusion and advise you on all of your espresso pod decisions.
Presenting THE ESPRESSO POD PERSONALITY GUIDE: Which cup of molten bean water is for you?
Programmers - ESPRESSO DECAFFEINATO - dense and powerful
Although it might seem curious to categorize the Programmers as a decaf espresso, I assert this is the most fitting description: “Dense and Powerful.” No, I'm not implying that the Programmers are not intelligent, but rather that they are responsible for wading through the thickest of problems, the dense thickets of code that comprise our genome and custom software. And they are indeed powerful creatures, mystical, even, with their mastery of multiple made-up languages that no one knows but those of their esteemed cohort. We at Noggin would do best to respect their mysterious magic and trust that even if they do not draw energy from caffeine like us mere mortals, they are most certainly siphoning it from some crystal or cursed skull or other-worldly force.
Sales - RISTRETTO - full-bodied and persistent
Sure-footed and robust of stock, our sales team are the front line explorators, making custom e-learning possible! They venture out into the treacherous world of the open marketplace and valiantly strive to attract clients with their fine-tuned bird calls of “custom e-learning for your business or organization” and their plethora of attractive Camtasia plumage.
QA - LUNGO LEGGERO - flowery and refreshing
Many people don’t know this, but our QA Manager, Jessy Lauren Smith, used to be a fairy. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true! She traveled the globe for several decades as a QA Fairy, surveying different fern gullies and everglade national parks and yellowstones for various inaccuracies and hiccups in environmental flow. She led a team of Cornell-trained moths and spiders to repair the problems, which is why software errors are now called “bugs.” So there is no better team member to crown as “flowery and refreshing” than a veteran fairy. Thank you for your invaluable service, Jessy!
PMs - RISTRETTO INTENSO - exceptionally intense and syrupy
The project managers are exceptionally intense indeed. They are stealthy ninjas who are able to withstand the pressures and time-constraints of birthing custom e-learning into the world. Their intensity is only matched by their …. Syrupy-ness? Look, I don’t know. They are also sweet. Like, they are kind people. Okay. Don’t think about that one too hard.
Didn’t see your role represented here? No need to fret. Stick around for part two of THE ESPRESSO POD PERSONALITY TEST, coming soon!